August 11, 2009

On a brain vacation

The will to write is sometimes just not enough to make you write…Sometimes it takes a lot more than a sudden burst of immense youthful energy and revolutionary thoughts…And sometimes a lot more than an immaculate vocabulary to come up with even a single sentence…Sometimes the mind just goes blank without any memory of ever learning the technique of expressing itself through the ‘art of writing’…!
And yet sometimes the brain has not been polished enough to take up the ‘art’ or maybe sometimes it goes on a long vacation tired of burdening itself for making out logic from absurd…and every time come up with a new passage of genius thoughts to write, leaving behind scars from the brutal war between inherited ignorance and earned knowledge…

These scars can even become a reason for losing sanity…they need their time to heal…
Sometimes it really needs one hell of an effort to convince the brain to ask the will of your hands to sit in front of a keyboard and ask the fingers to start pressing some keys…!
And yet even after such a long vacation of slumber, the bloody brain (my brain!) still didn’t forget the places the fingers used to visit to meet their beloved…THE KEYS!(I mean the placing of keys on the qwerty keyboard…!!!)
It’s almost as if a love affair between the brain and the keyboard through fingers as an intermediating body…Or maybe a love triangle…!!!


Such crazy thoughts are just a few symptoms of this ‘brain block syndrome’ which has kept me away from my passion…passion to write my heart out
A rusted rough mind which has lost the skill and touch needed to take up the art of polished writing…!
The cerebrum might be partially damaged due to the continuous overburdening of its think tank in the past or maybe the tank might have fired a few missiles back at the thoughts which used to fire it up…!
This brain vacation is something as difficult to fight as it is to comprehend the last few paragraphs of utter bullshit…!!!(Gosh sometimes even a sleeping cerebrum can come up with such authentic sounding, praisworthy bullshit! )

This mind vacation is so difficult to overcome that not even the will power of the brain itself is strong enough to create a way for a passage of thoughts to flow through…Maybe sometimes where there is a will there ain’t a way…(What if the will itself is corrupt and has sided with the brain…!!!)…Now really it proves my point…I am on the verge of losing sanity…!!! (and I am so unfit to write!)
Dear folks, it’s called mind block syndrome…!

Hey folks…You may go ahead and shout out loud at this waste of time…the confusing, meaningless BULLSHIT…start cursing me or do what ever you want to, but I hardly care because my brain has stopped taking any offences…The offences which made it write when the paradise (valley) burnt or when a true spirit was murdered or when a divine intervention never happened…!!!

Maybe this imaginary vacation might never end and I will never ever see the old brain which used to give me some ideas thoughts and inspiration to type on this beautiful keyboard (there it goes again…told you “it’s” totally hitting on this keyboard !!!)…

Maybe the mind is trying to play some mind games…(here I go again with another insane thought…!!!)
Really it pisses me off to see such an immense talent for writing being ruined by an insane brain vacation which has kept my fingers away from the beautiful keyboard since ages…(almost a year now)
Let’s pray and hope for the reunion of the romantic fingers and the beautiful keyboard…A short lived marriage which made me blog for a year with some virtual success and imaginary fan following…

And there it goes again….ALL BLANK…

“I can’t feel no pain for others anymore, I am occupied with my own agony…I can’t see no injustice anymore, I am blind with my own dreams…I can’t raise a voice anymore, I am speaking only for my own sake…”

Maybe unknowingly we all are on a brain vacation...

April 10, 2009

In Gods lap

“If you want to find God, find him in yourself...
And if you still can’t...then head for the mountains...!”
The magnificent Himalayas surrounding the Kashmir valley protect it like a great wall against the mythical dragons and evil spirits...the mountain range provides the valley with breathtaking natural beauty and its own patches of paradise on earth...It also provides mountaineers with great opportunities to conquer the mightiest mountains and the toughest peaks ever known....
The famous Sufi saints of the valley drew their inspiration from the mountains...The mountains form a part of the famous legends and myths and an integral part of the mystical world...
It was during my famous and rigorous Biscoe school camps that I got curious to know why some people give up all their worldly wealth and come to mountains, leaving behind their ‘few’ friends, families and desperate enemies...giving up all the earthly pleasures and luxuries and all the glory just for the sake of sitting on a mountain peak and gazing at the sky...!
It all seemed so inappropriate and crazy for such successful people to give away their fortune and take up the life of a homeless wanderer with nothing to lose...Maybe they were possessed by the demons or maybe they were insane...Whatever it was, it never made any sense...
The good old Biscoe days when we were made to scale the traditional tough terrains with heavy haversacks on our adolescent backs and wood for camp fire in our soft hands...
Even long before we hit puberty, we were already scaling the mighty Himalayas aimlessly in search of something we knew not....!
And that something was something we were never aware of...All the while I used to wonder the point of punishing our bodies and going beyond limits into unknown terrains and territories...Maybe it was the lure of conquering the mighty mountain and the treasured feeling of standing on the highest peak as if proclaiming our superiority over all other creatures or maybe it was the adrenaline rush of walking the treacherous and most dangerous narrow paths...I believed it was the natural greed of the human nature for glory which kept us going even in the worst situations...
But how wrong could I have been...!!!
Having passed all the physical endurance tests and conquered all the mountains...Still the same question haunted the adolescent mind...
The question which had no answer...Some gave up and moved ahead into a world of unsatisfied accomplishments where they would always find something missing from their lives, an internal peace and satisfaction which would haunt them for the rest of their mortal life...
But some persevered and resisted until they lost their sense of existence in search of the answer...
Some say the mountains are haunted by the Jinn’s and the wandering spirits and some say by the walking snowman called ‘Yetis’...and sometimes such unbelievable myths come to life when you gaze on the giant footsteps in the snow or an exorcism being performed on a mountain side...
Sometimes what you see is hard to believe...and sometimes such truths shake your soul inside out awakening it to an unbelievable reality...!
Many monks climb the steep slopes in search of the eternal Shangri-la and many Sadhus wander in hope of finding the mighty Shiva in the mountains...
The tough treks up the steep mountain slopes and the uphill battle against the elements... Maybe I used to interpret such voluntary self torture as the human nature of ambition and greed for power...But the truths hidden in the mountains never lie and they speak of the divine...
The gigantic mountains are a source of mystical experiences...Breath taking sunset and sunrise, the lush green forests, the treacherous steep slopes, spine chilling piercing winds...the melting glaciers and the fresh snow...the huge rocks surrounded by wild flowers...the gushing white waters...sparkling fresh morning dew...the unending long days and the starry nights...the uncertainty of time...the calm of the valley...everything a mortal could ask for...and yet the same old greed of wanting more...the desire to fulfil all the unsatisfied emotions, an ambition to go to the top...a struggle for an internal satisfaction and peace...a fight for power and desires...a fight for the title of strongest and most powerful
When the mountain finally beats you down to earth...tired and beaten...ashamed of the unsuccessful efforts...defeated and broken, having lost to the mother nature...then for the first time in your life you start looking around yourself, admiring all the gifts that nature has bestowed on us...contemplating and reflecting on how the water always manages to break through such massive rocks and make its way forward...how the weakest of creatures manages to survive in the most hostile environment...how each and every creation is unique and wonderful as if designed by God himself...humbled by the experience, you watch the tall mountain in awe and wonder...

And finally a DIVINE intervention....!
The spirit is awakened...a divine satisfaction and peace blesses the soul...
A soul which suddenly wakes up after years of slender and wakes to the voice of nature...The Gods nature....you give up and let yourself be defeated and feel like having achieved all that was to achieve...you no longer want to win...
It’s the feeling when you realise how small is your existence...how powerless are your most powerful attributes...a true realisation, as if you have conquered death itself
this feeling of being mortal and weak makes you lie back and enjoy the painful moment of your defeat...the moment when you look up at the sky, close your eyes with the last bit of strength left in your body...you see yourself elevate to a land unknown to this world...a land of the pure and divine...a land of freedom from desire and ambition...a land of fulfilled promises and wishes...a land of peace and satisfaction....a land of perfection and blessings...a land of joy and justice
Sitting on the peak of the mountain and looking at the world with a changed perspective, praising the God who created you from dust...
All the achievements and all the wealth are of no value any longer...All the ambitions and desires disappear into thin air...Finally you have found the answer, an answer to all your questions... you bow down and gaze with utter humility at your own humble soul...
Opening your eyes, you find yourself lying back in Gods own lap...
The mountain is no longer a question of intimidation...it’s no longer a challenge...you move on with respect for each and every step that the mountain allows you to take on its back...the soul has finally awakened to the reality of this world and the world after...
God always gives you traces of his existence...it’s we who need to open our eyes, awaken our humble spirit and start admiring God in everything that has been created...it maybe the mighty mountains or the vast plains or even a simple rock lying by a river...God flows through all his creations
A divine realisation of our mere existence and a divine creator of all...a humbling experience...an eternal peace and satisfaction found in the magical mountains and mystical valleys where you find yourself lying in Gods own lap...
Your own Shangri-la, an answer to all the questions...

February 28, 2009

Mystic woman

There she stood in all her glory basking in the bright summer sunshine, breathing in the fresh air of the early morning...An illustration of a poet’s imagination...A majestic creation of the creator... A Blessed soul...A gifted body...A diamond in a crown of pearls...A vision of the heavenly beauty...A fragrance of the divine...An unheard reality...A magical aura
Enchanted and captivated in the imagination of witnessing the holy, he stared at the mirror asking for forgiveness....Forgiveness of witnessing something so pure that even his white soul seemed black...
His love was true...but unheard and untold it remained locked in the upper left side of his humanly body...Silence prevailed...Despair crept in, choking his already tight throat...The voice no longer seemed to come from the same old man, a man of confidence and accomplishments...The ‘weeds’ were of no help any longer...He was truly in a spell...Unable to express and incapable to feel the sense of being loved...
Hidden from reality a curse that made him to hate his own human soul...The spell that had taken a toll on his ordinary human body...choking himself to death and unable to gather the strength to express his feelings...
The miserable soul never realised the reality of his short mortal life that he wasted in a mere pursuit of something he was never destined for...Heartbroken he choked in silence till the day God decided to end the agony and take him in his divine arms...
Spell of the mystic woman which made him to stop believing in his own God given talents...A spell which only death could end...
“But It was too late to realise the curse which made him to hate himself actually never existed but it was just a mere fabrication of his own shy soul...”
And he never got a second chance to take his diamond and place her in his crown of pearls.....................The spell of the mystic woman...

About Me

My photo
Fresh college graduate trying to restart blogging after 4 awesome years.